Passing Away Alone
Taken March 2, 2022
Having a fear of dying alone seems standard, especially for those entering the latter portion of their lives. Some individuals fantasize about a grand exit, departing in their mansion surrounded by friends and family, basking in the acknowledgment of their accomplishments and good deeds. However, most people find themselves entangled in morally questionable situations to escape debt, grappling with renting, and battling an array of self-diagnosed mental health issues. These circumstances are hardly conducive to being surrounded by loved ones before meeting our maker. Despite our realistic understanding that death is not pretty, the fear persists. So, how do we overcome it?
The initial step is likely to cultivate a robust relationship with oneself, beyond self-care and leisurely trips. Consider whether you'd willingly spend extended periods in solitary reflection without significant interactions with friends and family. An extended period, in this context, would be anything exceeding three months. While this experiment might impact your social life, the potential insights gained about yourself could make it worthwhile.
Expect approximately two to three weeks of soul-crushing loneliness and occasional bouts of depression. It's normal to feel upset momentarily; expecting perpetual ease over the years is unrealistic. Once you surpass the metaphorical hill of sadness, the self-reflection period begins. You'll scrutinize every aspect of your life, from daily decisions and activities to pre-bedtime rituals. Most people typically wait for external feedback before analyzing their behavior. Consciously eliminating external feedback forces accountability and challenges you to navigate without the safety net of your social circle. It's a significant shift in perspective, but at least it's not boring.
Through self-reflection, you unearth your true self and core beliefs. As you age, you've likely encountered lectures discussing individuals regretting living life based on others' expectations. This isn't a conscious decision; it stems from becoming who you spend the most time with. Social pressures form a standard by sharing a set of values within a community. Identifying this phenomenon clarifies how people live their lives based on perceived external expectations.
After ample reflection, you gain a clearer understanding of what you want in life, spanning daily activities to long-term goals. This serves as a roadmap for being comfortable alone, adhering to personal standards instead of external influences. Over time, your identity shifts, and you may even think, "I might be cool." What defines cool is subjective, but to some, being cool means being passionate and committed. Commitment, whether to organizing shelves, cycling, watching The Office, high fashion, or knitting, is the coolest thing one can do.
Now, how does all of this relate to overcoming the fear of dying? Trying to control the circumstances of death is, for the most part, beyond our control. While certain actions may lead to a favorable outcome, forcing results can make them feel disingenuous. The last thought shouldn't be whether people are present out of love or obligation. Life's humbling lessons emphasize that individuals only control themselves. Living a life aligned with one's beliefs and responsibilities allows for a final glance at the past with a smile when death comes knocking.